


nothing good comes from being gone

by polarkai



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst and Humor, F/F, Long-Distance Friendship, Pining, Sam Arias Week
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-21
Updated: 2020-02-21
Packaged: 2021-02-28 00:54:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,186
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22835101
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/polarkai/pseuds/polarkai
Summary: Saying goodbye is harder than Sam had thought it would be.
Relationships: Samantha "Sam" Arias & Lena Luthor, Samantha "Sam" Arias/Alex Danvers
Comments: 5
Kudos: 107





	nothing good comes from being gone

**Author's Note:**

> so this actually combines day 5 (long distance) and day 7 (home) of samariasweek. hope y'all enjoy!

it felt as though i had woken from a dream,

one where i’d realized that i’ve been aching to touch you

since the last time i’ve had you.

i bet you feel familiar.

i bet when you wrap yourself around me,

it’ll feel like home.

—  _ home, _ flatsound.

* * *

Saying  goodbye is harder than Sam had thought it would be.

It hurts, leaving National City, but more than that it hurts leaving them. She’s never felt anything quite like this, this deep-seated pain, this burning ache beneath her skin. There’s the relief, of course. She  _ needs _ this, needs to get away from this city that Reign had terrorized, left in shambles from the Worldkillers, the citizens struggling to regain their footing after everything. She needs to be able to breathe easier, and staying in National City will only suffocate her. 

So when Lena offers her a job at the Metropolis branch, she says yes without even the slightest bit of hesitation. 

“Are you sure you want to leave?” Lena asks her, emerald eyes serious. “Nobody blames you for what Reign did, you know that.” 

Sam shakes her head. “No, I know, it’s- it’s not because of that. I just- this is for me, Lena. I need to leave. It’s the best thing I can do for myself right now.” 

Her best friend nods silently, and there’s a kind of vague memory of the past that rises up. The last time they’d gone their own ways, the last time they’d said goodbye to each other, all those years ago before Lena had moved to National City and took over L-Corp. It’s enough to make Sam step forward, enveloping the other woman in a tight, nearly bone-crushing hug. 

“I love you,” she whispers, eyes burning with tears she refuses to let shed. “Thank you. For everything. For giving me this job, for caring for Ruby, for… for helping me with Reign. Thank you.” 

“Of course, honey,” Lena whispers back, and when they pull apart, Sam notices the way she blinks hard and fast, holding back tears of her own. 

It’s even harder to do so when she looks to her left and sees Alex, with Ruby still clinging onto her. When they lock eyes above her daughter’s head, Sam smiles softly, and the look Alex gives her in return sends a burst of pain in her chest, the ache spreading outwards and wrapping around her lungs.

It hurts. Sam  _ hurts,  _ but the relief is enough to push her towards Metropolis still, so she forces herself to hug Alex goodbye and wrap an arm around Ruby’s shoulders to lead her away.

“Sam,” Alex calls out, just before she reaches the staircase. When Sam turns back, she’s smiling somberly. “You still have a place here. Remember that.”

The words stick with her the whole drive to Metropolis. 

It isn’t much different from National City. Loud, crowded, and bright; a sea of shimmering lights and blaring horns. The only difference between National City and Metropolis is that in Metropolis, nothing is expected of her. 

Lena insists on including housing in her new contract with L-Corp, despite the fact that Sam is well-equipped in finding a place of her own. Even so, Lena practically hands over one of her penthouses in downtown Metropolis, and Sam nearly breaks her jaw with the way it hits the floor when she walks in. 

It’s smaller than the one Lena lives in now, but bigger than the house they’d had back in National City. It looks over most of the city and then some, fully furnished with small little details that Sam smiles at simply because they’re so  _ Lena _ , like the silver atom sculpture on the coffee table, the big science books lining the shelves in the study. 

“You do realize it’s just me and Ruby, right?” Sam reminds her, the phone held between her ear and her shoulder as she carries boxes into the bedroom. “We would’ve been just fine with a two bedroom apartment—“ 

“Nonsense,” Lena cuts her off. “You deserve the best. You and Ruby.” 

As if summoned, her daughter bursts into the bedroom. “Mom! There’s an indoor  _ Jacuzzi!”  _

Okay, well… Sam can’t exactly be  _ mad _ at Lena for that, can she? 

* * *

She ends up at the bar late one night while Ruby is with a sitter she’d found a few days after the move. It’s Lena’s idea, really, with her poking and prodding and “ _ you need to meet new people there, Samantha!” _

The bar has never really been her scene. She’s a soccer mom, the kind that gets drunk off of red wine in her own living room, not the kind that goes out to bars and takes tequila shots and downs whiskey like nobody’s business. At least, that’s what it seems to be like for most of the people in here, Sam muses, tapping her fingers on the slightly sticky bar top. 

It’s only when she catches sight of an opening up near the pool tables in the center of the bar that Sam perks up a bit. She hasn’t played pool since a few months into meeting the ‘Superfriends.’. She’d been good at it then, at least according to Alex, who was her biggest competitor most nights.

And, as it turns out, she’s still pretty good at it now, too.

She’s standing in the back alley behind the bar a few hours later as she waits for a cab, her hands shoved deep in the pockets of her coat, the street lamp next to the sidewalk flickering every so often. Beneath the white noise of the city, the night itself is fairly quiet, and Sam lets herself bask in the peace.

The silence doesn’t last long, though, interrupted by the loud bang of the back door being flung open. Sam’s eyes shoot towards the other side of the alley, just barely able to make out a tall, dark figure stumbling out, phone in hand and voice already slightly raised as she stops a few feet away. 

In the dim lighting, Sam can only make out her silhouette, but even so she can see from her body language that the woman is _ infuriated.  _ “I don’t care what the chief said,” she rants into the phone, and she doesn’t seem to notice Sam leaning against the wall. 

The person on the other line says something that only seems to upset the woman further, and she lets out a frustrated sigh. “I  _ know  _ this surgery is our only option,” she argues, her free hand flying up in a wild gesture as she begins to pace back and forth. 

Whatever it is she’s arguing about, she seems passionate about it. Sam admires that.

“Yeah, well,” the angry woman snaps in response to whatever the other person had said, “the chief can go shove—“ 

It’s in that exact moment that she finally takes notice of Sam, her words dying on her tongue as she stops dead in her track, and maybe that is a good thing. Sam looks away quickly, but feels the woman’s eyes on her even as the seconds tick by in awkward silence. 

“Shit. I’ll have to call you back.”

Sam shifts uncomfortably, hands still shoved in her pockets as she avoids the woman’s eyes, sharp and pointed towards her. The silence stretches out for a few more minutes, and Sam almost makes to head back inside the bar, but something stops her from doing so. 

She glances at her watch. It’s almost midnight; she should be getting back to Ruby soon.

“Beautiful night out, isn’t it?” 

Her head snaps up at the sudden, random question. Their eyes meet, and she watches as the woman tentatively steps closer. It’s as if the anger seemed to have drained from her body completely, leaving nothing but a hint of exhaustion in its wake. 

Sam shrugs, shivers even in her coat. “Nice, but cold.”

The woman blows out a breath, tilting her head back to gaze up at the sky. Sam unconsciously does the same. 

“Rachel Steel.” 

The woman's voice rings out again; her attention hasn’t yet left the sky, but somehow, Sam feels as though she’s still watching her anyways. Sam feels like she’s on fire. An extended hand reaches towards her.

“Sam Arias,” she introduces herself in return, taking the woman’s hand. It’s cold, almost freezing, and impossibly smooth. Not anything like Alex’s, Sam notes subconsciously, which is always warm, calloused. 

“I saw you back there earlier,” Rachel tells her, jabbing a thumb in the direction of the bar. Sam doesn’t know what to say, so she just shifts awkwardly, but Rachel plows through anyways. “You play a mean game of pool. You always scam poor drunks of their money?” she asks, tone laced with amusement as she steps closer, into the dim light. Her hair is blonde, platinum in the light. “Or just the overconfident ones?” 

Sam chuckles lightly. She hadn’t meant to, at first, but Alex must have rubbed off on her over the past few months. “I didn’t plan on it… An old friend taught me how to play.” 

The mention of Alex to this woman brings a sudden flood of emotions over her, something she didn’t expect; there’s a sense of longing that she feels, the ache to play against Alex again, to see her again, but she pushes it down as suddenly as it comes up.

She can just make out the crinkles of Rachel’s eyes through the dark as she grins. “I’ll tell you what,” she says, holding her hands up and watching Sam expectantly, as if already daring her to say no to whatever it is she’s about to propose. “Let me buy you a drink sometime, and I’ll try to beat you in a game of pool myself.”

Sam furrows her brow at the suggestion. Somehow, it feels wrong, like she shouldn’t be doing this, shouldn’t be talking to this woman. Why does it feel like she’s letting someone down?

“Why?” she questions wearily. 

Rachel isn't fazed by her hesitance. If anything, it only seems to spur her on, and she steps closer to Sam — so close that she can practically feel the heat radiating off the blonde woman’s body, in spite of the frigid night air. 

“Maybe because I like to buy pretty women drinks.” Rachel says this as if it should be obvious to her. But Sam is a rational woman. Sam is a sane woman. And Sam usually doesn't take complete and utter strangers that yell angrily into their phone up on their offer to go out.

She ends up voicing this aloud, shifting her weight to her other leg awkwardly. “I… I don’t know.” 

Rachel digs something out of her pocket. When she hands it over, Sam recognizes it as a kind of business card, labeled  _ Doctor Rachel Steel, M.D.  _ “Well, if you change your mind, give me a call,” Rachel tells her in a sultry tone, and Sam takes the card just as her cab pulls up to the curb. “Have a good night, Sam.” 

“You too,” Sam responds quietly, clutching the card in her hand as she ducks into the backseat. 

By the time she gets back home, the card with Rachel’s number has burned a hole in her coat pocket, and Sam takes it out to look at it again. And for the briefest of moments, she lets herself consider it, until a memory flashes by of red hair and warm brown eyes, of someone else she’d rather be calling.

The card is crumpled up and sitting in the trash bin by the door a few seconds later.

Here’s the thing — Sam had told herself that once she moved, she was not going to keep ties with the people she met back in National City, save for Lena, because she didn’t want to be weighed down by reminders of everything that happened there.

So, this contacting Alex thing that she’s been thinking about? She can’t do it. She promised herself, and she can’t just throw that promise away because she misses someone she may have had a little crush on before. No. She’s not going to do that. 

She’s  _ not. _

* * *

She lasts three days before calling Alex.

Well, more specifically, she calls Alex’s office phone, because apparently Sam has forgotten that they used to be good friends and she’s allowed to just call Alex’s personal cell phone whenever she wants. 

It takes her two days to think of a good excuse to call. The phone rings, and rings, and rings some more, and Sam is so close to hanging up that it feels like she’s going insane. That is, until Alex’s voice is in her ear, hoarse and sleepy and—

Shit. Time zones. 

“Hello? Sam?” 

Sam blinks. “Uh— hey! I’m so sorry, I didn’t realize you were— I’m sorry.” There are a few beats of awkward silence, and then, a realization: “Wait, aren’t you at work? This is your work phone?” 

Alex chuckles lightly into the phone. “Yeah, I, uh… I have a cot here. You know, for when I have to work late. Sometimes I can’t make it home to my bed.”

“That sounds terrible,” Sam replies bluntly, and Alex chuckles again, louder this time, more awake. 

“Ironic you say that, considering I’ve caught you asleep at your desk more than once, Arias,” she retorts, then, more seriously, “Is there a reason you called?” 

Sam barely has time to be offended by the question before Alex inhales sharply and starts stuttering out an explanation, “Not that I don’t love hearing from you, of course! It’s just, you know, we haven’t spoken in weeks. Honestly, it kind of seemed like you dropped off the face of the earth after you left.” 

A pang of guilt erupts in Sam’s chest at the tone of Alex’s voice. She tries to hide it, that’s clear, but it comes out anyways, and Sam internally curses herself. “Yeah, I did, didn’t I?” she agrees sheepishly. “I’m sorry. It’s just…  _ hard _ .” 

“I know,” Alex agrees. “I don’t blame you for wanting to leave all of National City behind. You have your reasons, you know.”

“Still, it wasn’t fair of me to leave you behind too,” Sam argues. “It was a dick move.” 

She can almost  _ hear _ Alex’s eyebrows shoot up in surprise. “Wow. New vocabulary in a new city, huh?” she teases, and Sam just rolls her eyes, smiling as Alex laughs. “Don’t let Ruby hear that coming from her mom.” 

Sam scoffs. “Trust me, Ruby’s been hearing a lot of interesting things at her new school.” 

“Oh yeah? Anything new that kids are coming up with these days?” 

“You make us sound so old when you talk like that,” Sam groans. “But yes, actually. Apparently ‘clout chasers’ are a thing now.” 

“What? That sounds ridiculous.” 

“Doesn’t it?” Sam scoffs. “And, God, don’t even get me started on the apps she’s always on now. I mean, TikTok? What kind of name is that? But when I send her funny pictures I find on Facebook, she just laughs at me.” 

“Well, what kind of pictures do you send?” Alex asks, sounding genuinely curious. “Are they the kind with big white captions and those annoying yellow minions? Of course she’s going to laugh at you, you’re out of the loop.”

Sam frowns, confused. And also kind of offended, because  _ yes _ , those are exactly the kind of pictures she sends. “How do you know so much about this?” 

“Kara,” Alex answers her immediately, and, okay, that makes sense. “The majority of our texts are just memes she finds on Twitter, so—”

Alex is cut off by the blaring of a siren somewhere in the background, and it’s loud enough to make Sam pull the phone away from her own ear in shock. Alex’s voice, nearly yelling over the alarm, comes through the speakers. “Shit, I have to go.”

“Oh, okay.” She tries to crush the rising disappointment in her chest. “Be careful?” 

“Of course.” There’s rustling in the background and Alex is quiet over the line for a minute, the alarm still blaring, until she speaks up again. “Try not to disappear on me again, okay, Arias?”

“I won’t,” Sam swears, and this time, she means it. 

They start calling each other a lot, after that first phone call. Mostly they talk about random things, how their days were, what’s going on in the television shows they’re both watching, how each other’s work is coming along. 

“Did you see the game last night?” Alex asks, completely serious.

Sam reclines back on the couch, fireplace crackling in front of her, and she huffs out a laugh. “You think I saw the  _ game? _ Alex, I was watching the Bachelor.” 

A moment of silence, and then, “Okay, yeah, me too. I still don’t get why these women compete over the same bland men. I mean, really?”

Other times, they sit in silence while doing other things, like working or cooking. And it should be weird, at least it feels like it should, that they don’t speak despite being on the phone with each other. But it becomes a natural thing to them, to sit there in silence, simply enjoying knowing the other is there on the other side. 

Sometimes, Sam listens to the sound of Alex’s breathing through the speaker. That’s when Ruby walks in on them the first time, freezing in the middle of the living room as she takes in Sam on the couch, phone in her lap. 

“Mom?” 

Alex’s voice filters through the speaker. “Oh, hey! Is that Ruby? What’s up, kiddo?” 

Ruby’s eyes light up. “Alex! I have so much to tell you!” she shrieks excitedly, almost shoving Sam off the couch in her haste to get to the phone herself.

It’s later, after Alex has hung up for the night, that Ruby looks over at her and frowns in confusion. “Wait, were you guys just sitting there on the phone earlier? You weren’t saying anything.” 

Sam shrugs, but her face burns. “We were enjoying each other’s presence, Rubes. People do that.” 

But that only seems to make Ruby even more confused. “Over the phone, though? That’s weird, Mom.” 

Sam’s eyebrows furrow as she sits up, feeling defensive all of a sudden. “Okay, well, how else would you expect us to do it? We’re thousands of miles away.” 

Her daughter rolls her eyes, something that had only gotten worse in their time in National City thanks to Lena. “You could always invite her to come visit, you know. You’re so oblivious, Mom.” 

“What?” Sam asks, but Ruby’s already off the couch and halfway to her bedroom. “Hey! What does that mean?” 

She doesn’t get a response. At least, not from Ruby.

“It means you’ve had plenty of time to ‘enjoy Alex’s presence’ in person, Samantha,” Lena tells her exasperatedly as soon as Sam calls to ask. “Honestly, should I even be trusting you with my company?” 

Sam rolls her eyes. “Shut up. I- I can’t just invite Alex over here. We’re hours away from each other, and she’s- she’s a busy woman. I can’t take her away from the DEO.” 

“Oh, please. You expect Alex to not have a million vacation days piled up because she refuses to take a break?” Lena argues, and yeah, she has a point. But still, Sam hesitates. “Look, Sam, I know you miss her. Maybe even more than you miss me, which I’ll try not to hold against you. You need this.”

Sam purses her lips. “Okay. Okay, yeah, maybe I’ll ask her.” 

* * *

She doesn’t ask her.

Well, okay. She  _ tries _ to ask her, she really does. Rehearses what she’s going to say before dialing the phone, even practicing in the mirror, making sure her voice is steady and confident. She even starts planning things out before even getting an answer, like where Alex would stay and what they could do during her time here.

She doesn’t get that far, though. Because as soon as Alex picks up the phone, before Sam can even get a word out, she’s saying, “Hey, Sam. Can I call you back?” 

Sam blinks. “Oh. Yeah, sure,” she says, and Alex hangs up.

She doesn’t call back until an hour later. Midnight, according to the clock on Sam’s bedroom wall. An hour for Sam to overthink everything, an hour for her heart to beat faster in her chest from nerves.

“Hey, sorry for earlier,” Alex says when she picks up the phone. 

She offers up no explanation, so Sam doesn’t ask about it. “No, it’s fine. You’re fine.” 

Alex clears her throat. There’s shuffling in the background, muffled through the phone speaker. “So, uh, what’s up?” 

It’s _ weird  _ tonight, and a bad feeling settles in the bottom of Sam’s stomach, solidifying there like a rock _.  _ It’s never weird. Talking to Alex is never weird. So what changed in the span of an hour? 

“You okay?” Alex asks, because she hasn’t spoken up yet. Sam swallows past a dry throat and nods, before remembering that Alex can’t see her. 

“Yeah! Yeah, sorry, just got distracted for a second.” And she tries to strike up a conversation that  _ isn’t _ weird, bringing up something she thinks Alex would enjoy hearing about. “I’ve been reading one of those thick science books Lena has in her study. It’s… actually pretty interesting, once I get past all the long, confusing words I can’t pronounce.”

“So… basically when you get to the pictures?” Alex teases her, sounding slightly distracted herself. Sam brushes it off. 

“Hey, don’t judge me,” she defends, but it’s half-hearted, tired suddenly, and all she wants to do is get off the phone. “You know what, I’m actually super tired.”

Alex pauses for a second. When she speaks up again, she sounds disappointed, but Sam doesn’t let herself read too much into it. “Oh, okay. Yeah, no, get some sleep. I’ll call tomorrow.” 

The following night, Sam is snuggled up in bed with a fast-asleep Ruby, her laptop set in front of them and a cheesy movie playing quietly on Netflix, when Alex calls her as promised. Careful not to wake Ruby, she slides out of bed and pads across the penthouse towards the kitchen, leaning against the bar. She already sets about making a pot of coffee, knowing that if Alex is calling this late, she’s going to be up for the next few hours. 

“Took you long enough, Arias,” Alex greets when she finally answers the call, setting it on speaker. “I was about to leave you a  _ pretty _ nasty voicemail.”

“It’s a good thing I picked up then.”

“It is,” Alex agrees, then clicks her tongue, seeming hesitant. “So I, uh, went on a date last night.” 

The air rushes out of Sam’s lungs in an instant. “Oh.” 

But Alex isn’t done, apparently. “It was… nice at first, actually. I haven’t really dated since Maggie, you know—“ 

“Right, yeah,” Sam tries to follow along, but suddenly her face is too hot, voice weak. Why is she telling her this? “Wow. Alex Danvers on a date. Who would’ve thought?” The joke comes out flat, but Alex doesn’t seem to notice. 

She chuckles lightly. “Yeah, well, the end of the night was a bust. Turns out she had another date directly after ours, so… yeah. Don’t think there will be a second.” 

Sam straightens up a little at that. “She didn’t like you? “That’s impossible.” It slips out on its own accord, and Sam’s face warms. “I just mean- it’s- how could she not like you!” 

Alex laughs, then, most likely at the sheer amount of surprise in Sam’s voice. “Not everyone falls for the Danvers charm, I guess… Anyways, I brought it up because I wanted to apologize for last night.”

“Apologize?” For a brief, horrifying moment, Sam wonders if Alex had noticed how sour her mood had been after she’d called back. 

“Yeah, you know, for calling so late. I know we usually have a kind of schedule for this thing—“ 

“Right.” 

“—and, I don’t know, I just felt bad.” 

“For calling me an hour later than usual,” Sam clarifies, to which Alex huffs out a little laugh into the phone. 

“Uh- yeah, I guess so. It’s not that big a deal, I know—“ 

“No,” Sam interjects. “No, I totally get it. I mean, just don’t let it happen again,” she faux-scolds, feeling lighter suddenly. 

Alex laughs again, and it makes Sam’s chest warm. “No, of course not.” 

For a few minutes, they sit there in comfortable silence, the only sound on Sam’s side being the coffee pot filling up to the top. She takes it out, pours herself a cup, and sips from it gingerly as she listens to Alex’s soft breathing on the other end. 

“I miss you, Sam.” 

And Sam promptly chokes on her coffee. 

Pounding her own chest as she sets the mug down, she can hear Alex panicking slightly over the phone, apologizing as she reaches for a napkin to wipe the scalding hot coffee dribbling down her chin. “Shit.” 

“I’m sorry!” Alex repeats. “I- I didn’t expect that.” 

Sam coughs a few times, clears her throat. The tips of her ears burn in embarrassment. “No, no, it’s—“ she clears her throat again. “It’s fine. My fault.” 

“Are you- you’re okay? You’re not going to die on me right now, are you?” 

Sam manages to choke out a small laugh. “No. I’m good, I promise.” 

“I just wanted—“

“You didn’t—“ 

They both stop. Sam swallows. “Sorry, you go.” 

Alex waits for a moment before speaking up again. “I just wanted you to know that,” she explains, sounding quiet, quieter than Sam had ever heard her. “That I miss you, I mean.” 

Sam pats dry the coffee on her shirt. “I… I miss you too, Alex. A lot, actually.” 

Silence, again. For a split second, Sam thinks their connection was lost, but no, Alex is still there. “I- I should get going,” she says, when she still hasn’t received a response. “I’ll talk to you tomorrow?” 

Finally, Alex speaks up again. “Yeah. Tomorrow.” 

* * *

For the next few months, it goes like this: 

Sam drops Ruby off at school in the mornings, goes to work, and then calls Alex. She joins the PTA at Ruby’s school, attends a couple therapy sessions to help her post-Reign recovery, and even goes so far as to get a gym membership. 

And she gets on a dating site. 

This is only because Ruby had somehow made her an account without her knowledge, but she plays along anyways. She goes on a couple dates — a few nice, seemingly-functional-enough men and some pretty, genuinely interesting women. And then there are the ones that Sam can only describe as “disastrous.”

She ends up calling Alex after every single one of them. 

“He basically spent the whole time ranting about his ex-wife and her new husband,” she explains, kicking off her heels and collapsing down onto the bed. In her ear, Alex laughs, half in amusement and half in sympathy. 

“Well, I’m sorry it was such a bust.” 

Sam sighs. “Don’t be. I don’t think it would’ve gone anywhere anyways,” she explains, not in self-pity but in frustration, more than anything. “It’s just so hard to meet people here. All I have is Sharon from the PTA and her boring husband, Mark.” 

Alex chuckles. “Oh, come on, it can’t be that bad.” 

Sam rubs at her eyes with the heels of her hands. “Alex. It’s bad.” 

“If it makes you feel any better, this new group of rookies aren’t as afraid of me as the last group,” Alex tells her. Sam shimmies out of her pants and throws them in the hamper, before unbuttoning her jacket. 

“How is that in any way related?” she asks, but tilts her head in thought. “I guess your struggle does make me feel a little better though.”

“It’s frustrating!” Alex rants. “I mean, I do everything I always do. I’ve even started sparring with them personally, and I get  _ nothing.  _ Not even a flinch.”

Sam huffs out a small laugh; she remembers just how not-intimidating Alex had been the first time she’d met her on the oceanfront, all soft smiles and kind eyes, and then she remembers how different  _ that _ Alex was from the Alex she’s seen in the DEO. 

“I’m sorry your ego took such a hit, Director Danvers,” Sam teases her, and she hears Alex inhale sharply through her nose. “Maybe they know you’re a giant softie on the inside.” 

Alex snorts. “I’m only a softie for you, Arias,” she teases right back. 

Sam tried to ignore these things, the small comments that Alex throws out here and there, the little hints that Alex may have mutual feelings for her, because— no. She can’t get her hopes up.

They hang up a few minutes later, and Sam makes it a goal to fall asleep before midnight this time, but like almost every other night, there is  _ something _ holding her back this time. It’s almost three in the morning when Sam feels the edge of the bed sink down, the blankets tugged off of her, and a warm, smaller body crawl into bed beside her. 

“Mom?” Ruby whispers, voice cutting through the silence of the room. “Are you awake?” 

Sam presses her face into the pillow and sighs heavily, blowing a strand of hair out of her face. “It’s kind of hard to stay asleep when you talk in my ear, Rubes,” she points out, But Ruby just shrugs, snuggling deeper beneath the covers. 

“I miss home.” 

Sam raises her head. Ruby’s staring at her through the dark, eyes big and sad, and Sam frowns deeply. “What do you mean, baby?” she questions as she sits up fully now, bringing her knees to her chest and patting next to her. Ruby shuffles closer, and Sam wraps an arm around her daughter’s shoulders. 

They’d never really had a place to call  _ home _ , not really. Bouncing from city to city since Sam was just a sixteen year old mother with a newborn, living in her car. Even now, the closest they could call home would be—

“I miss living in National City,” Ruby specifies, and Sam exhales heavily, reaching over to turn the side lamp on. “I miss my friends from school, and I miss Lena and Alex. When are we going back?” 

Sam chews on her lip. “I didn’t exactly plan on going back, Ruby,” she admits. Ruby sinks further into her arms, her eyebrows furrowing, and she looks so much like Sam herself does when she frowns that Sam feels like she’s staring into a mirror. “Wouldn’t you hate having to pack everything up and move again?” 

Ruby shakes her head. “Not if it meant going back. I  _ liked _ it there.”

Yeah. So did Sam.

* * *

It takes her less than a week to make the decision. 

* * *

National City is colder than Sam remembers. 

Looking through the rearview mirror, she can see Ruby still fast asleep in the backseat, curled up in the same position she’d been in since Lena picked them up from the airport. 

“A lot of things have changed,” Lena is telling her from the driver's seat, eyes shifting back and forth from Sam to the road. Dawn stretches out ahead of them, pink-purple clouds drifting through the sky, and Sam rests her head against the window. “Kara’s suit has pants now.” 

Sam raises an eyebrow. “Oh really?” she hums, but it’s not the kind of news she wants to hear. Lena knows this, and smirks ever-so-subtly at the fake interest in Sam’s voice. 

“And no, Alex is not seeing anybody,” Lena says, tone laced with smug amusement, the statement making Sam sputter and snap her head towards her. “What?” Lena shrugs. “That’s what you wanted to know, wasn’t it?” 

Sam frowns. “No! I- I don’t care about Alex’s relationship status.” 

Lena snorts. “Could’ve fooled me.”

“Why would you- I’m not- Lena!” she groans, blushes hard enough for her best friend to see clearly and snort again, even more amused than before. 

“You’re only proving my point the more you try to deny it,” Lena points out. 

She’s not…  _ completely _ wrong. Aside from Ruby’s begging, part of the reason she’d finally decided to move back to National City had been because of Alex, after all — not that she’d admit that to Lena, of all people, knowing her. 

And she’s definitely not going to admit that to Alex when she sees her. 

“I’m sure Alex and I are on the same page when we say we’re friends,” Sam insists anyways, brushing off Lena’s teasing, but Lena just scoffs indignantly. 

“Oh, yes, I’m sure,” she rolls her eyes. “The way you wouldn’t shut up about each other after you left definitely convinced me you two are just friends.” 

Sam sinks into her seat, trying not to blush. 

“Speaking of— We’re here.”

When Sam looks outside, it is not Lena’s penthouse that they’re parked in front of, and Sam looks back at her best friend, confused, until realizing why the apartment building looks so familiar. “Lena!” 

Lena shrugs. “I’ll go take Ruby back to mine. But right now, I think you two should catch up.” 

Sam has to knock on the door three times before Alex answers, clad in flannel pajama pants and a dark grey sweatshirt. She had obviously been sleeping before Sam arrived, hair messy and unbrushed, rubbing at her eyes, and Sam would feel bad were it not for how good she looks.

“Hey,” she seems to breathe out the word in a heavy exhale, eyes widening when they take in Sam, still in the clothes she’d traveled in, most likely looking like a complete and utter wreck. “You- you’re here. You’re back. Wow!” 

“I am,” Sam nods, wanting to laugh at the look on Alex’s face. “Can I… come in?” 

Alex blinks, seeming to have trouble processing the fact that Sam is standing in front of her. Then she gasps, yanking the door open wider and stepping aside. “Yes! Yeah, of course. I just made some coffee.” 

It’s an odd thing to see Alex Danvers so thrown off. Sam watches her from across the table, sipping gingerly at her coffee, watching as Alex seems to convince herself that Sam is really here. 

“You still remember how I like my coffee,” Sam blurts out of nowhere breaking the silence that had settled between them once they sat down. She cups the mug in her hands, looking down at the slightly faded Rocko from  _ Rocko’s Modern Life _ . “And you kept my favorite mug.” 

Alex rolls her eyes. “Of course I did. What else were you going to drink when you got back?”

“Yeah. Good call,” she agrees, smiling over the rim of her mug at Alex. “I would’ve scoured the entire city looking for this thing.” 

“Oh, I bet you would have.” 

Another bout of comfortable silence blankets the room. Alex taps her fingers against the table, shaking her head still in slight disbelief, looking at Sam in awe. “So are you in the city for work, or…?” 

Sam’s grin widens. “Uh, actually… I’m moving back. Lena offered to let us stay at her place until we get settled in, and I’m going to be enrolling Ruby in her old school again next week. I’m back. For good.” 

“Are you serious?” 

“Yeah, I am,” Sam assures her, and Alex nearly jumps up from her seat in order to hug her across the table, almost spilling both of their coffees. Sam laughs gleefully into the hug, before Alex pulls away and shoves her back down into the chair. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” she demands, a hand flying to her chest. “I could’ve gotten a cake.” 

“Um,  _ okay,  _ as delicious as that sounds, I wanted it to be a surprise!” Sam insists, holding her hands up in surrender. Alex’s eyes flicker down towards the table, then back up to look at her, and the smile she gives her sends a burst of warmth straight to Sam’s chest. 

“Well, I’m really glad you’re home,” she admits quietly, softly, just loud enough for Sam to hear. 

_ Home.  _ There’s that word again.

“Yeah,” Sam nods, leaning forward and overlapping Alex’s hand with her own. “I’m really glad I’m home too.” 

* * *

The next couple of months pass by in a blur.

For the first few weeks back, she often wondered if she made a mistake; if she shouldn’t have come back to National City, where the ghost of the Worldkillers still haunts her. She’d wake up in a cold sweat, gasping for breath, screams dying on her tongue only after realizing it was only a nightmare.

This morning, though, she wakes up beside Alex instead. Golden light streams through the curtains, warm and not too bright, and Sam sighs contentedly. “I’m gonna go make some breakfast,” she whispers, pressing a kiss to the top of Alex’s head through messy hair.

“No. Stay,” Alex shuffles closer under the blanket, two arms coming up to wrap around her torso and pull her closer, and— yeah. 

She definitely made the right choice.


End file.
